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DD's of 2006 by krissimonsta

Writings by bRoKeNgRiN


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April 27, 2006
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The
OLD
TESTAMENT


The Book of
ASH

1  This is how you will know to mark the young among men,
    for this is the prayer they pray, again and again.
2  It is these who should be marked and minted into lives worth being spent.
3  These are the words they speak in vain,
"Our father who art in us, tradition be thy name.
Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, in me as it is in him.
Give us this day our lovely sins1—those of youth and innocence.
And forgive us our deviance, as we forgive those who differ from us.
And lead us not into similarity, but deliver us from the collective.
For thine is the prison, and the scorn, aimed at abnormal men."2

1:3  1 7 Lovely Sins, Quintessence 1, New Testament
1:3  2 Hope’s Prayer, Quintessence 43, New Testament

The
New
TESTAMENT

The Book of
Quintessence

1  Behold, these are the sins
    for which you shall be told to repent
    and labeled youthful dissidents.
    Embrace these with passion,
    for they are your roots.

LUST
2  Words and beats thump and flow through my mind
    like sex; a primal pulse, an insatiable impulse to untether,
    unleash and loose myself to this primal pull—
    it's this bump then grind with a run and slide,
    I can't decide to which I should surrender:
    let run through my blood and bones, then tickle nerves
    ‘till I stop to serve the worthy verse
    with every pound, inch, thought and thrust,
    each the embodiment of audio lust.

GLUTTONY
3  Words—knowledge—stuffed
    into my ears and eyes
    so I may marinate in ideals:
    eyes and ears oozing
    sugary sweet knowledge of the world
    but not OF the world; all the while
    I’m secretly scorned or pitied by the pitiful masses
    who writhe in apathy and cynicism; spew venom
    at anyone not like them—me—envied and scorned
    as the embodiment of wide-eyed gluttony.

SLOTH
4  Stuffed with knowledge of consumer's prison
    might I wisely dodge the yoke
    and slip into the Soft Slippers of Sloth.
    Shuffling around as the embodiment
    of "decaying moral fabric" just
    to steer clear of the chains. Working to be
    but not a working being, all the while
    sucking satisfaction out of life under guise of sloth—
    not quite tied to the Circle of Lies
    (the ones about Consumption's Prize—20 to 65
    depending on what you buy).

PRIDE
5  I hear: Pride cometh before the fall of high standards.
    So I decide my standards and I are too young to die—
    too young and proud
    to join the crowds with shattered expectations.
    I think: If pride cometh before the fall—
    the fall should happen either way but finds in pride
    its one delay. I pray: for pride to dwell deep inside me.
    I try to swallow but find it lodged in my stomach,
    feeding off me; find it has grown past the point
    where I could shit it out—so full of pride I can't eat
    yet mysteriously nourished; my standards and I, somehow
    thriving off pride alone. All the while I’ll be vilified
    for having the gall not to let my dreams die, as if
    this mass of pride was mistaken for a second gall-bladder
    in a world where extra organs and too much gall
    both call for consequences.

ANGER
6  I'll join in with the might of youth
    to fly the flag of feral dissidents; spewing
    satire and dissatisfaction while watching
    the Great Inundation: 40 years of
    days and nights under cardboard skies
    raining fluorescent light. Seethe anger
    and disgust for "the way things are"
    out of some sliver of hope that these ills
    might subside before I dive in
    under glowing lights (which, by the way,
    are only good for growing debt and death.)

GREED
7  Sweet and innocent—still inoculated
    against the ways of the world:
    chasing the dream-job of freedom
    with greed and hope, too naive to realize
    it's all a joke—a wolf in sheep's disguise.
    I'm free, of course, to take responsibility
    and forsake the right to flee
    ‘till after sixty-five, when most of life
    has passed me by. Despite the joke,
    still sweet and innocent, awash
    in too much greed to ‘lease wants for needs—
    hunting freedom with hungry eyes,
    hoping it hides not, under guise.

ENVY
8  Green with inexperience and envy:
    Enough of one not to know
    life isn't like the movies
    and too much of the other not to covet the clean,
    happy endings that trail off to the sunset.
    Absolutely verdant with the youth and life
    implied in both the former:
    radiant with the crisp, rich green
    of all the easy money movies bring this way;
    pushing my publics to mirror this envy,
    jealous I've yet to go green
    with life—that specific shade we grow
    after the fire of youth has burned through
    all the passion, hope and love we care to lose,
    leaving the Bitter Ash of Ire loose to suck the sunshine
    out of life and dye its greenhorns blue.
This is a resubmission of sorts. It's changed a little, but not too horribly much, since I've had it here. I was going to send it off to some journals, despite the efforts of a few people to talk me out of it, until an unrelated suggestion sort of changed it all. Someone pointed out a metaphor they thought was cliche, I agreed and changed it and ever since I haven't been able to help but see the piece as good for what it is, but falling short of what it could be, as far as good metaphors go. Since I put a good bit of work in it and am now considering it axed, I thought I'd put it back up here.

I'm still proud of it, but I think I'd be selling the topics and situations here--which is where the real loyalty of the piece lies--short by getting this published before it's anything short of the best I can do with it, in language and the strength and structure of the ideas/metaphors/visual presentation. I'm going to be hacking it back apart and seeing where the idea really needs to end up over whatever amount of time it takes, so wish me luck. Feel free to comment as loosely or critically as you wish--but this preface is a bit of a warning that any critique will probably not be rolled into this version of the piece (so don't be disappointed, I'll still read it and if you're making good points consider those when I'm reworking things.)

*there are some formatting limitations that prevent the presentation as-intended. :p

***Big thanks to =JenniferStarling for suggesting this. She's wonderful. Go read some of her poems, or a few chapters from the BOOK she's working on!
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Daily Deviation

Given 2006-04-28
7 Lovely Sins by ~myskran is one of the more ambitious pieces I've read lately. Not another "obvious" take on the Seven Deadly Sins, ~myskran uses this pieces as a political commentary. Thought-provoking and definitely worth a look-see. ( Suggested by JenniferStarling and Featured by imperfect )
:iconastraea293:
astraea293 Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2007
I really like this, especially the slant rhymes at the beginning. It reminds me a lot, in terms of the sins, of Piers Plowman by William Langland, an alliterative longline poem of the 14th century that you really should take a look at if you haven't already.

I'm not entirely sure if each of the parts are told from a personified sin (as in Piers Plowman) or if there is one central narrator. Perhaps that could be clarified.

"There was laughynge and lourynge and " Lat go the cuppe!'
[Bargaynes and beverages bigonne to arise;]
And seten so til evensong, and songen umwhile,
Til Gloton hadde yglubbed a galon and a gille" (5.337).
Reply
:icontearsfornothing:
tearsfornothing Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2006
Well I like it very much. I didn't see the original, so I don't know *shrugs*
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:iconeloquim:
Eloquim Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2006
Unique is the first word that comes to my mind. The concept is interesting (I'm not quite sure how much I like it just yet, I'll have to brood over it a bit longer and read it a few more times) and I am rather intrigued. I'm not so sure I like the similarities it has to the bible, but that is my own personal preference and doesn't detract from the piece at all. The language is... beautiful, although 'technical' might fit it better. It very much has the feel of a religious text to it, which I think is what you were going for, and you did an excellent adaptation of the Our Father at the beginning of the piece. The only thing I really didn't like was the phrase 'it has grown past the point where I could shit it out' because it was rather crude and didn't quite fit into the other language you were using. You have everything phrased so eloquently with such a wide range of vocabulary that it just didn't seem to belong. Overall very well written, but I'm not so sure I got what the 'cliche' metaphor was... but that could just be a failing on my part.
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:iconpeacefroggie:
Peacefroggie Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2006
Hot damn summer in the city, how long did this shit take you? I could go on and on but you look like you've got a lot on your plate here...that bit on sloth really speaks to me...the Biblical angle gives you a lot of extra poetic/analytic material to work with as well obviously, that's what really puts this poem over the top for me.
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:iconmyskran:
myskran Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2006   Writer
The original writing took place over 2 or 3 days back in December. Sometimes it all just falls into place amazingly well, but it wasn't too bad since I set out to write each little part on its own--it was really easy to portion the work out. I spent a while after that working on revising it, a few months, and made a reasonable number of changes over that timeframe.

You're hitting on where I really want to come back at the topic again, fresh. I think the Biblical parallelisms and connections are some of the strongest parts of the current poem but that it was under-done in general, as well as some reasonable theme issues that come up.
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:iconiobieofshianna:
iobieofshianna Featured By Owner May 4, 2006
Oh my Lordy Lou.

Sweet... Lordy...

*bows and kisses your feet* Teach me your ways!
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:iconapocalyptica:
apocalyptica Featured By Owner May 3, 2006  Hobbyist Writer
HOLY WOW!!! This is amazing! Simply amaazing. A Deviant FAVORITE!!!
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:iconjustb:
justb Featured By Owner May 2, 2006   Writer
I thought this adaptation might suit:
(and slip into the Soft Slippers, Sloth. )

in a world where extra organs and too much gall both
call for consequences.

raining (a) fluorescent light. Seethe anger

might subside before I dive
under glowing lights (which, by the way,
are only good for growing debt (/new line)
and death.)

in too much greed to ‘lease (want) for (need)— (those work fine as generalities, and the pluralization can be removed)
hunting freedom with hungry eyes,
hoping it hides not under guise. (take the comma out after not. is it really necessary?)


with life—that specific shade we grow
after the fire of youth has burned through
all the passion, hope and love we care to lose,
leaving the Bitter Ash of Ire loose to suck the sunshine
out of life and dye its greenhorns blue.

(every once in a while, i'll be reading a poem and this one thought comes into my head. END IT THERE!
And it's a very difficult piece of critique to leave because it's kind of pompous. You want me to cut out the end?
Screw you pal. I have a poem to write, not a fantasy of yours to create/enact. Nevertheless, my senses pressed
for the ending after "grow." I like the concept of ending it with that hopeful notion of growth. not good nor bad.
just growth. separate from our distinction of good vs. evil. in the end, there will always be growth. hurrah!

So, what do you think about throwing a comma after shade, and a period after grow?
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:iconmyskran:
myskran Featured By Owner May 2, 2006   Writer
just wanted to say something immediate so you know I'm not blowing you off: finals week and I'm studying like crazy before the shit hits the fan, I read over about half of this and I'll certainly be reading it all when I finish up (along with the 50 freaking pieces in my inbox that I haven't had time to read) :p

Thanks for the crit. <3
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:iconjustb:
justb Featured By Owner May 2, 2006   Writer
okay, Travis, my friend. take care in the meantime.
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:iconjustb:
justb Featured By Owner May 2, 2006   Writer
3 These are the words they speak in vain, (will speak?) I like will because it foreshadows something distant and imminent.

Thy will be done, in me as it is in him. (in me, as it is in he.) At first I considered suggesting in me, as it be in him or else, in me as it be in he. But I think at least switching him for he to aid the internal rhyme seems to make some sense. A favorite poem of mine implements improper conjugation of the verb be. I say, "So be she. Brittle, but unafraid." I just think it is only slightly unnerving that the conjugation was not done correctly, and what little annoyance that may be is made up for by the fact that the line rhymes and some might say reads smoother. It's up to you.

1:3-- the critique i have as a whole for this passage is it sort of attempts to speak for more than one person. what i liked in the opening is undone by this. i agree that speaking for more than one person is inevitably critical to any writing. however, one can breach the "everyone" that they both speak of AND at...(let's let that one sit and ruminate for a few seconds, eh?) ...
the old fashioned way. that is by simply speaking in a way that most others have to relate to. does that make sense? You should be glowing by now if it does.

Quintessence.. HMMMM!

this word in itself irks me because i think of the word and immediately what springs to mind is "quintessential" which i am not sure i like being that the word itself is quintessence. i am not sure i am familiar with quintessence, or it is at the very least less common in usage, making it a trouble spot.

1__Behold, these are the sins
___for which you shall be told to repent
___and labeled youthful dissidents.
___Embrace these with passion,
___for they are your roots.

I don't like the word "be" in there. Be obfuscates. Isn't (or wouldn't) "Be" be obvious and implied already? Are you over drawing the point by placing it in there? If so, is it a point worth drawing at all, or should one skip it all together? That's an interesting judgement call that a writer has to make on his own. For instance, I write:

"I'm headed to the bar to fill my lakes with matrimony."

Writers have the advantage of using language to their own purposes. I can say that and mean that I'm headed to the bar to fill my head with dreams. Or I can mean that I'm going to fill my bladder with drink. Or I could not be speaking of a bar at all, but a look out point that takes my 25¢ in exchange for much improved sight seeing. I could very well mean any number of things, and in fact, pointedly, our subject material actually breaches our topic. By your own words (their being of a colloquial solemn existence, and existing quite relatively at the top of my webpage via availability and accessability) I'll make my point seem trans-operative. "but deliver us from the collective." So, if there were a collective so to speak that these words belonged to, it would be that these words are ascribed particular levels of cognizance, set in specific sequences of cognition, declared and decidedly implying certain prerecognized meanings.

I am trying to think of how to word what I'm trying to say and as usual, I'm treading water or else moving backwards...

but I am listening to the Phillies game on TV (my dad's watching it) and I thought of a great way of saying what I am trying to say. So what is a good hitter? Baseball it is often repeated jokingly among fans, is the only sport where you fail 70% of the time and get into the hall of fame. A hitter who hits .300 (another way of saying does not hit 70% of the time) is considered great. If he can keep it up his whole career he is one of the game's greats. And I think about what a good hitter really is. Well, a good hitter is no doubt good by the standards of his competition. In other words, put him against lousy pitching and fielding, such as that of an average college level team, and he is going to be fantastic, deftly outplaying his competition. right? Conversely, if there was some alien race of human like creatures which had pitchers 3 times as good as our major's best, you put our good hitter out there with them and very likely you have a sucky ass hitter. well, so let's look again at our objective in this critique. (gasp! it has run on quite long -- forgive me.)

Your emphasis (or your purpose) on aspects of your writing are the equivalent of the hitter. In order for your hitter to be considered "good" it must be good as is relative and relegated by that which exists around it. in that light, that which surrounds and which very likely permeates entirely the piece of writing is its composition, its basis for existing, again-- back to what are the words (cognition levels of preordained meaning by which we collectively are learnedly associating similar ideologies.) so therefore that than which twas canst fables discerned. sorry, that was by no means justly intended. no, so now, by which one means, one speaks, by the credit of the behemoth he slays and revives, the language he situates his plea, his cause, his spector-- within. The great irony is the tools one learns to then dissassociate from, to then reaffirm oneself as a product of a the benevolent reinterpretative reality one constantly creates.

Now, by dissuasion, or perhaps without one's cognitive recognition being aroused, we're finally asked to look at the provoking sentiment, and see if we can find an alarming absence of a relative perfunctory allusion, decidedly cocked in impeccable asphyxiation.

1 Behold, these are the sins
for which you shall be told to repent
and labeled youthful dissidents.
Embrace these with passion,
for they are your roots.

--see, i just view the implication of these sentiments bearing fruit as obviously command-oriented. so in other words, "you" is suspicious. It should just be presently absent. As should "be." I mean, are we really talking about anything other than the "being" of that which is being commanded from this great spiritual reverence? Would the reverence command being? Being would simply be. not necessary to highlight it. in fact, the highlighting actually denotes an unaccord. an unsettlement in the speaker's desired subject or objective means. does that make sense? the last time i asked that, i sensed you would know with what regards I asked if sense had been acquired. In this case, however, I cannot make the same claim. In other words, think of a flower, and then think of a secret that a flower knew about the existence of the flower.

Does the flower know "Flower is towering, flower is blooms, flower is stem, leaves, flower is petals." Does that strike you as what a flower might know inherently basically because it IS a flower does not mean it continually thinks of its cognitive existence through an operative (am == is) command. What to me seems like what a flower knows this time of year is not "is" is not "am" is...............

bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz,

Ahhhhh.

you know? I mean, seeing that to me seems more close to what it is a flower must know about being and its purpose is only to put me in the brief moment in the realm of my own imagination, and to do so, would mean the poet who had devised the "bzzzz. Ahhh." method of saying to me what a flower is, does so because he does not know the flowers existence, but he can literally imagine it, and by doing so, allow myself to imagine it WITH him, and by imagining it WITH him, he has made a successful effort at understanding the ISNESS of the flower, not because his ISNESS was correct, but because by allowing himself to imagine, he succeeded at allowing myself to imagine as well, and that imagining is the perfunctory listening showing how i have now connected between myself, poet, and flowers. and all flowers. or and any of my flowers and a specific flower to the poet, or and the poet's mother, or and my first house as a child and how it grew wild ones in the back, and how i picked one and gave it to a girlfriend who was sick from school a day and me feeling sorry wanted her to know i cared and caring makes me heal, internally from strife, and strife is so thick and gruesome and gangster and work and fences and genes and parachutes!

and anyway... in such regard, we get to next here allegory! joy!

a lot of time in my writing, i just write and therefore not all of it is perennially explainable, it is questions, but without expectation of answers. and a lot of times, the way i phrase the question, right off the bat, might not make the true nature of the question very clear at all to the audience, who might just scratch ye old head and think "Whu?"
And to this, while I am writing, often times, the question of "do I go back and explain" or do I just move forward and continue to form, to pioneer, from within the waiting emptiness, and if all i do is swim in the river of nothing, then do i have any plans to ever make substantive qualities from it? well, such good questions Travis, I'm glad you asked. Because to truly take on formlessness really lends itself to no form, it does not wrap up nice enough to make good satire, afterall, if it's always empty and never anything BUT emptiness, it doesn't really leave the audience feeling like it was wrapped up at all, in fact, they might feel it was left behind and GASP forgotten about! oh my.

so it's really up to the author, in cases like this, but what some authors can try and do for other authors, in my opinion, is to introduce concepts, to discuss relativity, to answer each other's fall. To quote each other's bruised knees, to smile in hopes of sunshine. To pout at the presence of posterity. To do so, such that when one wants to forgo, he needs only to ask hisself the nature of his solution, and apparently so.
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:iconilikeorange:
ilikeorange Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2006
I love it, especially Envy. plus it's an interesting form you undertook and i think it serve it's purpose really well.
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:iconprettyboy326:
PrettyBoy326 Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
toooo cool :fav:
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:icondieaku:
Dieaku Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
Absolutely amazed!
ENVY is amazing. Just amazing.
Excuse my lack of words, but for this, amazing is all I know.
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:iconbrokengrin:
bRoKeNgRiN Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006  Hobbyist Photographer
Oh la la. Now THAT. . . was an interesting read! Hmm. . .what was running through your mind when you wrote this? Just curious. I love how you did it. Talk about the direct opposite. Wow. That was truly amazing. I was literally stunned after reading this. I am glad that you decided to post it instead. And you got a DD for it? How perfect right? :)
Anywho, I really loved a LOT of the description that you used. The way you set the format of the text is self explained, but wow. . . very nice and ingenious way of doing it! I like the poems that I read that truly make you think and force you to read over them several times, each reading revealing some hidden ring of truth unnoticed before. What a great job, I really can't say that enough. This was definitely one of the most profound poems I've read in a long while. Although I think some of the lines could have had maybe a _little_ (and I mean minimal) more, I think you did a mind-blowing job. I hope you continue to write and create such thoughtful pieces. I know this is one of my new favorites. ^_~
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:iconchicamariposa:
ChicaMariposa Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006  Hobbyist Writer
Absolutely amazing. Your work makes me think of ee cummings and a modern Shakespeare. You've said everything I've ever wanted to say about these things in words that I never thought to say them in. If that makes any sense...
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:iconshadowsweeper:
ShadowSweeper Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
How amazing! Congrats on the DD. They really chose a good piece of work!
I love the LUST passage the most :)
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:iconitamiassassian:
ItamiAssassian Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
Heh.... Whoa..
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:iconeidolon9:
eidolon9 Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
neryarg....sorry 'bout the random double posty-ness....
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:iconeidolon9:
eidolon9 Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
i really like the waya the internal rhyme emphisizes some key words. Great work! :clap:
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:iconeidolon9:
eidolon9 Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
i really like the way the internal rhyme enphesises some key words. great work! :clap:
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:iconzeuxiszingara:
ZeuxisZingara Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
I'm not very good at understanding poetry, but reading this one, I think I get the gist of most of the sins, except the Lust one. I'm not really sure what it's trying to say, but that's most likely my fault.

I really enjoy this, and the twist you give to each of the "sins." I can really relate to the gluttony one...so true it seems.

This really has me thinking here....that the same emotion or feelings can be viewed as good or bad depending on if they are directed for your own gain or others. Like being angry just because you didn't get your way is just stupid, but being angry because people are living unjustifiably in slums is a whole other thing.

But this is amazing! Very awesome job. ^_^
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:iconbloodontheroses:
BloodontheRoses Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
I love the twist of the 7 Sins! Very lovely.
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:iconhartstrung:
Hartstrung Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
Fantastic.
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:icondespondentdream:
DespondentDream Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006   Writer
I don't have much to say with this one, except I notice you used spew/spewing twice in the poem, which...well, I don't know why it bothered me so much. It just did. O.o; I'm so anal retentive like that. XD Honestly that's all I could really find that bugged me about this. n.n;;;

Congratulations on the DD! It's always so refreshing to see prose and poetry as a DD.
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:icondampes8n:
DampeS8N Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
Sounds a lot like my own writing. Same kind of floaty rhymes and alliterations.
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:iconknightrebound:
knightrebound Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
Interesting.

I can almost follow it.

Just take things too literally.

Can't say I'm guilty of too much of what's mentioned though.

I saw and recognised most of those ideals as wrong a mile away.

Except for the sloth one: but I have no idea what I'm doing or going to do about that.
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:iconskunkmonks:
skunkmonks Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
an open-minded one in times of confusion, you resurrect our numbest mind with your blistering thoughts,
what could I say :depressed:
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:iconmetalhead71:
Metalhead71 Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
Incredibly put, I don't even have words to describe how well written and thought out this is.

The best I can do to show my appreciation is to favorite it.

Favorited.
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:iconreveroph:
Reveroph Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006   Writer
Absolute Masterpiece. This is a work of art, I'll tell you that. I can write, which is the only thing I can do, but your talent exceeds most in this world. If you don't go pro, and get your stuff published, thats your own fault.
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:iconcybby:
Cybby Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
Wow. I have +fav'd this because I think it will mean more as time goes on.
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:iconduhproductions:
duhproductions Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
Nice. With some, I agree. With some, not as sure. For the rest I'm not certain I truly understood.

But for sure, I like how this piece explores the "7 Deadly Sins". The use of verse, metaphor, imagery, allegory and symbolism make the topic matter something more real by appealing to life experience, and at the same time, they blur the lines of interpretation, making the concept more difficult to grasp.

It challenges the traditional interpretation of scripture, which I think is important because often we treat dogma as inspired and scripture as dead rather than the other way around. Truth isn't IN rhetoric, it's conveyed through rhetoric.

As a result, I find that this piece recreates the atmospere of that process, trying to find the connection between some abstract, conceptual truth, and the physical realities of everyday life. Good job.
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:iconcrymsonnyght:
CrymsonNyght Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
Excellent, simply amazing! :D :clap:
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:iconanotherdragon:
anotherdragon Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
amazing, i love the alliteration, it all flows very smoothly. The only thing towards advanced critique that I can really say is oddly about the flowing nature of this. It might be entirely an opinion, but when I got to sloth I explected it to read slower but I found because of all the 's' sounds it went by the fastest of them all and I just though this was weird because after all, it is sloth. I dont know, its all so beautifully written and your words seem so carefully picked that I doubt I'd want anything to change...this all ended up being slightly worthless commenting, yes, I know.
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:iconosakaokawa:
osakaokawa Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
I think this is two highbrow for me...
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:iconschmedderling:
Schmedderling Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
This is amazing! You must be bleeding talent through you fingers or something, I could never write that well. Ever.
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:iconalt3r:
Alt3r Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006  Hobbyist Artist
truely Amazing! thank-you for such a grand insight into a relatively bland subject-matter. the 'Sins' have been overdone, and yet, you have breathed new life into them and made them mean something. great job! i'm glad this piece was given a daily deviation!
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:iconnnshi:
nnshi Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
very nice, i like how you made a different type of poem for each one ^^
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:iconnezzi03:
nezzi03 Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006   Writer
you have poured forth your very soul and i take my hat off to you o king of kings :ekud:
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:iconiridescentme:
iridescentme Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
You're very good, the writing is superb, honestly.

One suggestion or point I would make, I could be wrong, I'll have to look it up, but I believe "ANGER" is actually labeled as "WRATH".

Could be dialectics though.
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:iconpoeticartist:
poeticartist Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
wow wow wow!
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:iconmeowen:
Meowen Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
Very nice written this one, especially Pride was a very cool verse.
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:iconze-smai:
ze-smai Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006  Student General Artist
This is simply amazing :)
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:iconladydementia:
ladydementia Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
This is a wonderful series of verse from a scripture I could buy. The twisting of the original stifling rules is fascinating.
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:iconsemety:
Semety Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006  Hobbyist Writer
Congrats on the DD, this is an amazing piece. I really like the intro, it ties it together quite well.
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:iconelkmoose:
Elkmoose Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
I truly enjoyed reading this, my favourite verse is Pride, that one really appealed to me with the imagery you used, it seemed true and I love the ideas you got across with it. I hope you will one day be satisfied with this ;)
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:iconnotnothingagain:
NotNothingAgain Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
An opinion is never wrong so long as it sounds good and follows the movement of the time.
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:iconheavenfury:
Heavenfury Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006  Professional Traditional Artist
This is definately a piece that needs a closer look... I love stuff that makes me think.
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:iconmoving-in-stereo:
moving-in-stereo Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
I love it when I read something like this and feel like all the thoughts I have that I can't find a way to express, someone else has. This is a really outstanding piece. :)
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:iconhiddenregret:
hiddenregret Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2006
I love reading the works of such intelligent people,well done :clap:
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